According to a marriage therapist in the United States, adultery is not necessarily a broken marriage. The point is, a spouse feels that the other person continues to be selfish, obscure, and unreliable afterwards.
Adultery is always a hot topic that attracts the attention of couples. This is also considered as one of the main causes of divorce. However, according to Madden, author of Fool Me, couples who divorce after an affair are not usually because of infidelity. They only give up trying when their husbands or wives continue to be selfish, unreliable. At this point, they will ask themselves the question: Should I continue with a deceiver?
If you are in the role of a "traitor", adulterer, how do you regain your spouse's trust? Marriage therapist Madden and many other experts advise in this case.
First and foremost, be honest with the person about the extent of the affair. How long did you "slip"? Where did that "out of the stream" relationship go? Ideally, be clear from the start if you still want to save your marriage.
Frankly sharing about the "third" relationship is essential
“Husband and wife kept telling me that what kept them from the relationship was not cheating. It's the drip, the drip of truth that slowly leaks over a long period of time, ”Madden said. No one feels comfortable hearing bad things about their spouse from another person.
So, please share some important details about the love affair. This means, you also need to "report" what you said to the "third person" about your marriage. Answer all questions asked by your spouse about a relationship.
Besides, do whatever it takes to make the couple feel more secure in the relationship. For example, you can share mobile password information, Facebook posts, credit cards ... It can also include information about where you are going, where - when needed.
You cannot be sure that you have a sexually transmitted infection after adultery. So, to put your marriage on the right track, you need to take full responsibility for the adultery's consequences. This also means testing for any sexually transmitted diseases.
Share the risk of sexually transmitted diseases so that you can both work out
Many women reported that they felt ashamed to have STDs tested after learning of their husbands cheating. Let your partner know the results of your test. If he or she is examined, you should go along as a gesture of support.
If you think apologizing doesn't fix everything, you're probably wrong. Apologies are still very important if you are serious about making your marriage heal. The apology here includes an explanation of the adultery. Over a period of time, the apology may need to happen often. Sometimes periodically for months or even years. Regret is really healing.
Many studies show that healing will not happen unless you look at the problem honestly. Your shame hinders the presence of these conversations. You should also note that confessing and apologizing for your betrayal is not enough. The most important thing is still the subsequent revision efforts.
The most important thing is still, what do you do after the apology
Hiding an affair takes too much time and energy. Now that everyone is finished, spend all your time with your family.
Also, give each other a certain time to calm down and think. Try turning off your phone, making eye contact, and demonstrating positive body language. You will find that this is the type of connection for maintaining a long distance relationship.
In the end, the "other half" is the one who has the final say in whether to continue or end the marriage. So, you need to do meaningful things to prove that the relationship is worth saving.
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