Positive Discipline Methods

In today's social context, which is undergoing drastic changes, raising and educating children at home and at school is becoming more and more challenging. Most adults want their children and students to have a sense of discipline, keep good habits, be proactive, confident, and be "good children". However, how to achieve that is always a question that concerns many parents and teachers, especially for children who are often considered stubborn, disruptive, and making mistakes. Let's learn about positive discipline methods with the teaching handbook.

Although many people know that punishing, hitting, or scolding doesn't make their kids better, they don't know what else to do. “Positive discipline method” can be a good solution that we would like to introduce to parents and teachers.

Why is it important to find out the purpose of a child's negative behavior?

When children are good everything is fine, but when children are naughty and have behavior problems adults start to worry and then many people take drastic measures to change unwanted behavior.

Many people think that children are spoiled because they themselves are quarrelsome or overly pampered, spoiled because their parents or siblings are spoiled, because the family is too poor or too rich, etc. There are many reasons given. but does not help explain the purpose of the child's negative behavior. After all, all behavior has a purpose and a reason, it doesn't happen by accident. The same goes for children's negative or inappropriate behavior. Adults need to identify the purpose of a child's negative behavior in order to understand why the child does it and have an appropriate and effective response.

It is worth noting that many times children are not aware of their false thoughts and beliefs. If adults later ask children why they behave like this, they often answer "don't know" or give some excuses or excuses.

Purpose of children's negative behavior at home and at school and adults' feelings and reactions

Most education experts believe that all negative behaviors of children can be reduced to one of the four purposes just mentioned: Attracting attention; show power; want to retaliate; show nonconformity.

Attracting attention and exerting power are the two most common purposes of common negative behavior in children at home and at school.

• Attracting attention: Behind the behavior of attracting attention is the child's false thinking: "I only feel important when I receive the attention and attention of parents and teachers". By adolescence, children are more likely to direct this behavior towards their peers. Wanting attention is a need, a common motivation in any child. If they can't attract attention through good grades, athletic performance, and healthy group activities, they'll do it in other negative ways. For example, children may be disruptive at home or at school. For these children, adults often scold, punish or flatter the child to stop doing so. But their goal is to get their attention, and what you do with them right now is exactly what they're looking for. Therefore, the more children have behaviors that make adults feel more uncomfortable.
• Show power: Children are constantly trying to discover how “strong” they are. Behind the behavior that proves they have "power" is the child's misconception: "I only feel important if I am the one in control and have what I want". Some children only feel important when they defy the authority of adults, violate the internal rules, do not follow the instructions of their parents and teachers. Children's teasing and challenging behavior makes adults angry, especially parents, who say obedience is important, and it is difficult to accept the scene of "children arguing with adults". It is easy for adults to punish children in this case.
• Retaliation: Children think "I feel hurt because I am not loved, not treated with respect, fair, punished, I have to respond". Children hurt others (siblings or classmates) and parents and teachers because they have felt hurt and unfairly treated before. Maybe the child has actually been treated unfairly, or maybe it's just because he thinks so, so he's looking for ways to retaliate. Children do this in many ways: By actions, by words, by silence, by refusing to cooperate, by hostile looks and gestures... These are the times when children are feeling very depressed, annoyed. so late.
• Show inappropriateness: “I can't live up to the expectations of the adults, I give up and hope they leave me alone.” Behavior that shows inadequacy is the act of withdrawing, avoiding failure because the task feels too overwhelming compared to the expectations of parents and teachers. For example, the child might say: "I can't solve that!", "I told you I can't because I'm very ignorant in this subject". At that time, the child is feeling very depressed. If an adult taunts: “Can't you get better? Too bad! Stupid" the more worthless the child will feel and the more he will continue to display the behavior he is doing.

How do adults behave in positive discipline?

Currently, adults have a lot of ways to behave when children have negative actions, but in order for good behavior and children's recognition to be positive, adults should:

• Identify the wrong purpose of negative behavior in children
• Adult behavior: in such situations, adults should try to stay calm, understand the child, respect the child, and use positive discipline methods.
• What should adults do without punishment?
  • Implement  attention-grabbing behavior : Minimize or ignore the child's behavior when possible, actively pay attention to the child at other times, when it is more appropriate and pleasant. looked serious but said nothing. use logical consequences
  • Performing behavior to show power, adults should: Stay calm, withdraw from quarrels and conflicts, do not "go to war" so that children calm down, help children see that they can use strength and power in a way Be positive, establish rules or schedules that adults will regularly spend time with children 
  • In retaliation, adults should: be patient. Break out of the vicious cycle of "titrating" each other, maintain a normal mentality while waiting for the child to calm down, use encouragement skills, show children that they are loved, respected, set rules or schedules that adults will often spend time with children 
  • Performing behavior that shows inappropriateness, avoiding failure, adults should: Do not criticize or disparage children, spend time training, tutoring children, especially in learning, dividing tasks, start with easy for kids to have initial success, don't show pity, don't give up, Spend regular time with kids, help them.

Above are some short sharings on positive discipline methods, hopefully it will be a useful reference for you.

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