How to avoid drama and trouble

Drama is emotionally draining. The good news is that you don't have to let other people's drama invade your life. Whether it's drama from parents, friends, co-workers, or neighbors, you can set boundaries and stay away from it for good. Here are some tips for avoiding drama and the negativity that comes with it .

Tips to avoid drama in your personal life

• Think before you act
• Control your emotions
• Constructive action
• Identify the source of the drama from the beginning
• Make realistic commitments
• Balance every relationship in your life

Think before you act

In the heat of the moment, avoid making a scene over nothing. When someone upsets you, take a breath or two before responding. Think of yourself from a third person perspective, as if you were observing yourself from the outside. Consider why the incident upsets you so you can deal with it in a rational, rational way instead of acting impulsively.

Ask yourself:

• “Would I be so upset about this if other aspects of my life (school, work, family, etc.) weren't so stressful right now?”
• “Am I really upset about this incident, or am I angry with this person for something completely different?”
• “Would this person do the same thing to me if they knew how much it would upset me, or would they refrain in the future if I just explained why?”

Control your emotions

You are not a robot, so allow yourself some time to feel upset and angry. Give those feelings a chance to flood into your mind, then retreat a little before reacting. Resist the urge to attack the other person (emotionally, physically, or both), which will only escalate the situation. Avoid these pitfalls:

• Engage in a "tit for tat" exchange trying to hurt the other person as much as they hurt you.
• You are required to have the last word.
• Plan revenge.

Constructive action

Get past your initial emotions. Identify why you feel upset in the first place. Then, think about what steps you can take to actually improve the situation, rather than just prolong it. Choose actions that will solve the problem right here and now, while also reducing the likelihood of it happening again in the future. Consider:

• Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a calm, straightforward manner will cause the other person to reconsider their own actions.
• Reassure them that they can communicate openly with you as well. This helps reduce the risk of future problems.
• Completely avoiding a conflict situation is the only real way to make the situation worse.

Identify the source of the drama from the beginning

When you find yourself repeatedly getting into dramatic situations, take a step back. Look at each situation. Then compare it to others. Identify the similarities or the constants from one situation to the next so you know exactly when and where to improve your attitude when new drama arises. Ask yourself:

• “Do these situations always happen between me and this particular person?”
• “Do they tend to happen at the same time (such as stressful periods like final exams at school, unemployment or the holidays)?”
• “Am I the only common factor in all these cases?”

Make realistic commitments

Whether you're dealing with friends, family, a significant other, or a co-worker, resist the urge to please everyone all the time. Only promise time and attention to people if and when you know you can deliver. Since drama can build up when people think you're "letting them down," be clear about your capabilities on a case-by-case basis from the start. Let each person know exactly how much they can expect from you, when, and no more.

Balance every relationship in your life

The more people you have in your life, the more conflicts you will have when it comes to scheduling time. When making commitments, put them on the calendar so that no one else feels overlooked for any lack of attention from you. Also, know when to make exceptions, such as for special events: birthdays, weddings, graduations, etc.